As a DINK (dual income, no kids) who hates theme parks, I was less than thrilled when my mother coerced invited The Husband and me on a family cruise on the Disney Dream. But my dislike of blatant capitalistic greed and germ-filled children was outranked by my inner struggle to always make sure everyone, including my mother and especially my five nieces and nephews, were happy. After all, isn’t it all about the magic of seeing Mickey though a child’s eyes.
Cliches aside, I was also curious about what the hype was all about. I have friends and family members who are Disney Adults, and going on a Disney cruise is their version of Mecca. Despite being a curmudgeon when it comes to touristy travel, I wondered if, perhaps, there was a bit of magic pixie dust christening the ship like frankincense and myrrh.
My first thought, after getting through the crowds of people boarding, all who thought their reservation was the most important, was if there was pixie dust, it missed our room. My mom booked us a balcony room with a king bed, and it had the recognizable layout of any cruise ship room. A bed, couch, TV on a dresser, and a closet took of most of the space. The bathroom was split into two; one side with a toilet and sink, the other with a shower and sink. It was nice to have two sinks but the shower was compact. Like most husbands under six feet, mine is 5’11’ and had to crouch under the shower head to wash up. The room was also where I noticed that first thing that justified the expense of a Disney cruise—it was a true king bed, not two twin mattresses pushed together, and it was comfortable.
Disney characters aside, people rave the most about the food on a Disney cruise, but I was less than impressed at first. Sure, it was better than most other cruises, but it was still mass-produced on a ship. As I was working on my favorite hobby, eavesdropping, I heard a man say that that he thought the food was good but that he didn’t really care about food (the horror!). He then opined that foodies probably hated it. His words spoke to me, and I shifted my expectations. Was I comparing it to a Michelin-star meal? Or perhaps to something I’ve perfected for my specific tastes at home? In doing that, I was losing the chance to experience something great. I treated every meal after that as if it was the first meal I’d ever had, and I’ll tell you, “they” were right. The food was excellent.
And the staff was top notch. As you rotate through the different restaurants each night, the same waitstaff rotate with you. We had the absolute best team, Alwayne and his assistant. They always found something pescetarian or vegetarian for me, even if it wasn’t on the menu. They also kept the kids entertained and happy.
On our first morning, I discovered the first glimmer of pixie dust magic at the Senses Spa. The Rainforest pass at the spa is the best kept secret on a Disney cruise. The quiet, adults-only, retreat is a sanctuary in the loud chaos of the child-centric ship. The three rainforest showers are more novelty than function, like most things on a floating all-inclusive resort, but the three saunas, heated ceramic loungers, and two-person Jacuzzis with the best views on the ship were the saviors of the vacation. Like an overstimulated child, I put myself in timeout daily at the spa, giving my frazzled nerve-ends a chance to recover. If you don’t book it right away, they sell out, and missing out on the most serene place on the ship would be worse than all the puking kids (why do kids puke so much?!).
The ship also has an adults-only pool (that wasn’t enforced at all) and a few restaurants that were for adults that were an additional fee. Overall, there was plenty for DINKs and other adults to do without it feeling weird.
We had three stops on our five-night cruise: two Disney private islands (Castaway Cay and Lookout Cay at Lighthouse Point) and Nassau, Bahamas. We had just been to Nassau for the second time on a Royal Caribbean cruise a few months earlier, so we stayed on the ship and enjoyed the peace and quiet while everyone was touring the island.
At Castaway Cay, we were immediately welcomed to the island by Stitch, which was a big deal for all the kids (we knew it was from a movie but had to ask if it was Lilo or Stitch). We booked a glass-bottomed boat tour with my middle brother and his family. From the tour guide we learned about the islands of the Bahamas, and the wildlife that lived there. When we got to the feeding spot, the boat anchored and we all had a chance to feed the fish. There were so many beautiful and diverse colors of fish, and everyone on the boat enjoyed it.
At Lookout Cay, we walked around the island looking for birds (of course) and spent the afternoon in the adults-only area. Each Disney island had tons of opportunities for character meet-and-greets (with shorter lines than on the ship) and lunch included. The overall experience on the private islands was much better compared to Carnival, Royal Caribbean, or Norwegian Cruise Line.
Our cruise also had theme-nights: pirates and a Marvel at sea day. We did our best to participate, and even dressed up for the pirate night. But our cheap Disney pirate knockoff shirts were garbage compared to the elaborate costumes people wore for both nights. The Marvel at sea was serious business, many people were so invested in their outfits that it was hard to distinguish them from the actual characters. At the end of the day, they had a Marvel costume contest that was actually quite intense! We watched from the balcony and it was fascinating.
There movie theater showed new movies and there were live shows daily. We didn’t spend much time doing either. Each day had a packed itinerary of events and games, but they weren’t something that we were interested in. Instead, we spent a lot of time talking to the crew , which is like a course in anthropology. You meet people from all over the world who are forced to spend day and night with the same people for months at a time. Give them a chance to open up and you’ll learn which staff members are never seen at the same time as certain characters (conspiracies abound around this!), what it’s like to share a windowless room with a stranger, where to find the best deals ($13 glasses of Dom if you’re lucky!), and why their home country is the best and why you need to visit.
We were learning about the best part of Brazil from a bartender when a giant of a man, older than my 41 years, towering forehead dripping sweat onto his Mickey T-shirt, came barreling through the champagne bar, frantically looking for the Captain America meet-and-greet. I recognized the look in his eyes: excitement, fear, urgency. It was the exact same look I saw in the mirror once at a Barney’s warehouse sale. The puzzle pieces I had been trying to put together since we stepped onto the ship clicked into place. I finally understood the Disney adult. It wasn’t about the magic, characters, or feeling of whimsy (although that helps, I’m sure), it’s about hope and making the impossible possible.
At $3-4,000 for a balcony room, it’s not a cheap vacation. But unlike the other cruise lines I’ve been on, this one felt like it was actually worth the money. They don’t have a drink package or casino, so if you’re looking for a party, this isn’t the best option. But if you want a wholesome vacation with higher-end touches that’s easy to navigate—not many things either than a cruise,you don’t even need a passport, just a birth certificate—a Disney cruise is a great option.
And if you feel overwhelmed by options, I highly recommend using Disney cruise line expert (and my stepsister) Melissa Griffith to help plan your trip.